Signs You Might Be a Douchebag
29 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
(This shall be updated in relation to the number of douchebags I meet over time…) Some of these are contributions, as well. If you would like to contribute to this list, then please post a comment.
1. You’ve ever ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and suggested she order the cheapest.
2. You’ve spent two years on the couch living off of your girlfriend, and then one day say, “So I guess I’ll be paying off your student loans with my inheritance money, huh?”
3. She finds a bra in the bedroom and you get angry at her for being upset over it.
4. You offer to make her something to eat and then kill her taste buds with some nasty stuff not ten minutes after she tells you she has IBS!
5. You’ve used the same come on line so many times that the girls- not your guy friends- know you for it.
6. You’ve frequently and consistently used the “I love you.” line on women to bed them instead of actually having game.
7. You’ve ever deliberately gotten “yourself” a gym membership only to give it to her.
8. A typical weekend night consists of you making passes at other women in her presence. Upon the workweek’s start, you are back to calling/being around her for Lord knows what. (Thanks, Mante.)
9. You waste your time at church only to try your luck at getting in her pants. Just sleep in, dude.
10. You’ve ever retaliated to a rumor about your girlfriend by couchsurfing with someone else across country for a year.
11. You’ve ever decided to intentionally work overtime on her birthday, because you gave her her present “last week”.
12. You never acknowledge her friends upon entering her house, but demand she make conversation with your guests.
13. You’ve ever spent months hanging out with a new friend, listening as he goes on and on about his on/off girlfriend you’ve never met… and upon her finding you, you immediately start dating her after they break up yet again. It doesn’t matter that their relationship was unstable; You’re still a douchebag.
14. You feel the need to take down women’s phone numbers you hear secondhand rather than asking and receiving permission to call them in the first place.
15. You’ve only met your girlfriend’s parents to get a car loan.
